It is often controversial to claim to follow Christianity. To be a "little Christ."
However, much of the controversy does not derive from people talking about the person and work of Jesus, but from their hypocrisy and judgmental demeanor.
A heart that wants to serve and love others is granted by the Holy Spirit, and greatly counters the religious rituals and vernacular that so frequently offends.
Sadly, the role of the church hasn't always met the needs of widows, orphans and the desperate. The programs, multiple 'love' offerings, and all together phony facade that many churches embody are a disgusting display of the gross miss communication of what grace, humility and truth actually are.
Jesus. The way, the truth and the life. The Bible is an account of his life; with the Old Testament lending a prophetic word, and the New Testament is the collection of stories telling how those prophesies were fulfilled. A Bible believing Christian seeks to learn about Jesus and his tremendous love, not necessarily to follow "the road map to life." The aim for the Christian is to want to know and possess affection for Jesus, who was fully God, and fully man. Too many Christians have done the faith filled random pull of sentences from the Bible that "perfectly fit the situation they were in!" Which, cynical as this sounds, misses the point that the Bible is not about us. It's not about us. Recognition that the Bible is an testimony of who Jesus was, and that it shares the loving truth about him is crucial to the continual need to humility. We cannot die to ourselves if we make every thing about ourselves. That includes, so conversely to what modern evangelists may infer, referring to scripture (Jeremiah 29:11) out of context to make us feel better. We are inherently sinful. We are a broken, selfish, prideful mass since the beginning of time, who Jesus said out of our heart flows the most deceitful and unpleasant things (paraphrase), therefore no one is a "good person." Everyone to their core is wicked and sinful and needing only one thing, and that is to be lead by the conviction of the Holy Spirit to become more like the person of Jesus Christ.
Christians have it wrong too often, a program, or routine won't solve the issues of the heart. Other religions survive by preaching works and legalism, or searching within oneself.
The sole answer is: JESUS.
I've been struggling lately with our place as a family coming from a thriving community and church in Seattle, even though we moved away two years ago. It seems pointless to desire the previous arrangement while struggling to redeem the present. And, the consensus that I have is that I love Jesus, more than any church, group of people, or city, and that is enough. I want to know him deeply. Walk with him daily. Dwell where he is. And, by God's grace I will live in a way that reflects his image.
I heard Pastor Bill Clem describe us this way, " We are like a mirror, shattered and broken, and God has to take all the pieces and put them back together so that they reflect him." I liked this analogy because it relies solely on God (Jesus), and does not put the ball in our court as individuals. We must respond in obedience to the conviction of the Holy Spirit if we know Christ, and love others well.
Jesus, I pray for your continual guidance and grace. Your love is undeniable to me.
KBA
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Monday, February 22, 2010
for Caleb...
to me...
love is a game of cribbage set to The Postal Service
love is the first time we sat on the same side of a table leaving one booth empty
love is the blue in your eyes that I delight in as if they were two jewels
love is your tenderness for the tiny life we created together
love is being known and sought after, even though I am stubborn
love is being an 'Us', a wonderful series of highs and lows marked by God's perfect grace
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
The Bible: black & white and wildly unpopular.
There are certain things that the Bible is specific about. Jesus is God. Fully man, Fully God. Jesus is the [only] way to the Father (Sorry, Oprah, "arrogant" or not, it's true.) There are areas that are a little more gray, e.g. alcohol-to drink or not to drink, masturbation, whether or not to get a tattoo. Those gray areas are where a Christian who knows the Lord and follows the Bible, can rely on the conviction of the Holy Spirit.
Caleb likes to drink beer; he makes his own at home, and it is not a stumbling block for him because he doe not suffer from alcoholism. Thus far, he has not been convicted regarding drinking. I have 3 tattoos...and where some people find this defiling of my "body as a temple," it completely negates that Jesus himself is described in Revelation with a tattoo on his thigh. I feel no pressing desire to remove, or regret having tattoos. The gray area can be somewhat revealed through prayer and fasting.
But the black and white areas, well, that's exactly what they are. Whether you're a humanitarian or not, you can love people and respect their lives without encouraging or enabling them to live a certain way. I believe the Bible to be true. From beginning to end. Not as a "road map to life," but as a prophetic, incredible account of Jesus' life. Every word is "God breathed and profitable," and it seems hypocritical to pick and choose areas of the Bible to go along with if you love God-Father, Spirit, Son. Therefore, I must admit, I will not support or advocate any group that clearly goes against the Living, Breathing WORD of God.
I like people. I really do. I don't care how they choose to live, but at the end of the day, I want to stand firm in what I believe, and that might be offensive. There are popular cultural movements that people just can't deal with due to the immense level of confrontation involved. So they buckle, and say: "we need to just love everyone, and not judge people, etc, etc." which is true, but it's ALSO okay to remain true to who you say and think you are.
I don't condemn anyone, because that's not my place. I have friends who are gay. Friends who are constantly partying. Friends who are fornicators. I've lived a bleak life in years passed, and by God's grace been redeemed from that. And I would be the last person to hate or not be friends with someone who doesn't live by the Bible. But, when they ask me, "what do you think?" or "is this an okay thing to do?" I would candidly share that every other path that doesn't point to Jesus Christ causes pain, destruction, and goes against the design that God intended.
"Christians" who picket gay funerals, or kill abortion doctors "in the name of God" don't make matters any better. They clearly don't understand what Jesus meant by love your neighbor. Ultimately, only the Lord can change people, so if you're out there with a megaphone hating gays, lesbians or unmarried partners, you're an idiot. STOP.
Dear Jesus, I pray that my heart could be soft and filled with your truth. That I would not grow frustrated with people in my life, or with myself. I hope to be in Heaven with you some day and be free from the bondage of sin and depravity.
*KBA*
Caleb likes to drink beer; he makes his own at home, and it is not a stumbling block for him because he doe not suffer from alcoholism. Thus far, he has not been convicted regarding drinking. I have 3 tattoos...and where some people find this defiling of my "body as a temple," it completely negates that Jesus himself is described in Revelation with a tattoo on his thigh. I feel no pressing desire to remove, or regret having tattoos. The gray area can be somewhat revealed through prayer and fasting.
But the black and white areas, well, that's exactly what they are. Whether you're a humanitarian or not, you can love people and respect their lives without encouraging or enabling them to live a certain way. I believe the Bible to be true. From beginning to end. Not as a "road map to life," but as a prophetic, incredible account of Jesus' life. Every word is "God breathed and profitable," and it seems hypocritical to pick and choose areas of the Bible to go along with if you love God-Father, Spirit, Son. Therefore, I must admit, I will not support or advocate any group that clearly goes against the Living, Breathing WORD of God.
I like people. I really do. I don't care how they choose to live, but at the end of the day, I want to stand firm in what I believe, and that might be offensive. There are popular cultural movements that people just can't deal with due to the immense level of confrontation involved. So they buckle, and say: "we need to just love everyone, and not judge people, etc, etc." which is true, but it's ALSO okay to remain true to who you say and think you are.
I don't condemn anyone, because that's not my place. I have friends who are gay. Friends who are constantly partying. Friends who are fornicators. I've lived a bleak life in years passed, and by God's grace been redeemed from that. And I would be the last person to hate or not be friends with someone who doesn't live by the Bible. But, when they ask me, "what do you think?" or "is this an okay thing to do?" I would candidly share that every other path that doesn't point to Jesus Christ causes pain, destruction, and goes against the design that God intended.
"Christians" who picket gay funerals, or kill abortion doctors "in the name of God" don't make matters any better. They clearly don't understand what Jesus meant by love your neighbor. Ultimately, only the Lord can change people, so if you're out there with a megaphone hating gays, lesbians or unmarried partners, you're an idiot. STOP.
Dear Jesus, I pray that my heart could be soft and filled with your truth. That I would not grow frustrated with people in my life, or with myself. I hope to be in Heaven with you some day and be free from the bondage of sin and depravity.
*KBA*
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
loss
deep within me is sorrow
a womb whose joy has been emptied
i longed solely to usher in life...
but the plans of Creator God were not such.
still even today i woke thinking it some
terrible slumber.
yet the lullabies i want to offer won't fall upon ears at all.
a womb whose joy has been emptied
i longed solely to usher in life...
but the plans of Creator God were not such.
still even today i woke thinking it some
terrible slumber.
yet the lullabies i want to offer won't fall upon ears at all.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
I've been convicted lately about boastfulness. I'll be the first to admit that many a sentence sounds like this from my lips: "oh yeah, I got this dress at Macy's for SIX BUCKS!!! [OR] "this couch is from Craigslist basically brand new for $$$." I also tend to speak in terms of money when I'm around other people, namely those who are in the same stage of life as we are. Elaborating endlessly on all the "great deals" we find, or how to cut corners, and really, I see that this worship of being cheap is just a different way to idolize money and boast in how great of a job we're doing. Instead, wouldn't it be better to give glory to God for from him all blessings flow? It wasn't ME who chose to shop in a frugal way, it was the conviction of the Holy Spirit, and God's grace alone that a better financial decision was made. I am looking at this from a few angles.
The first angle: being cheap sometimes means that one can obtain more. The less spent on one item merits more spending on other little things. Things that might not be essential, and signifies that we as people desire wiggle room in our budgets to feel secure. Being frugal allows us to make more purchases, thus the pursuit of stuff is not diminished, but justified by it's price tag.
Angle two: Boasting in our 'awesome finds' makes us seem shopper savvy, or financially responsible, but might be a clue that we idolize money so much that we are still misusing it, not to further the Gospel, or be sacrificial.
I don't want to become legalistic on this issue, but I do feel it is important to keep the "last taboo," somewhat reserved. Admitting fully, that I am remarkably guilty of bragging about how much we acquire from Craigslist or sales items. I want Jesus to receive the glory for the lifestyle we are blessed with. "Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change."~James 1:17
The first angle: being cheap sometimes means that one can obtain more. The less spent on one item merits more spending on other little things. Things that might not be essential, and signifies that we as people desire wiggle room in our budgets to feel secure. Being frugal allows us to make more purchases, thus the pursuit of stuff is not diminished, but justified by it's price tag.
Angle two: Boasting in our 'awesome finds' makes us seem shopper savvy, or financially responsible, but might be a clue that we idolize money so much that we are still misusing it, not to further the Gospel, or be sacrificial.
I don't want to become legalistic on this issue, but I do feel it is important to keep the "last taboo," somewhat reserved. Admitting fully, that I am remarkably guilty of bragging about how much we acquire from Craigslist or sales items. I want Jesus to receive the glory for the lifestyle we are blessed with. "Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change."~James 1:17
Sunday, August 30, 2009
THANK YOU CARDS
lately, i've been pondering the concept of thank you cards. most of the women i know have a weird fixation on thank you cards and making sure they either send or receive them. i am no different, i love to collect different kinds, and have them blank & on hand. i've even heard people complain when they haven't received one, or a new mom suffer in shame because she couldn't get the baby shower thank you's out in time. what is the deal with thank you cards?
i want to propose this, that a good deal of giving is in fact, not gracious at all. people remember what they've given, and want to be praised or rewarded through a piece of paper. if a thank you note isn't given then the person is butt hurt (for lack of a better term), and they judge that person. "why couldn't sally get her thank you's done for her wedding/birthday/baby shower? I ALWAYS get mine done, and I have 8 kids running around! BLAH BLAH BLAH." a sense of pride and judgment completely clouds what was supposed to be a generous act in the first place.
this got me thinking...how many thank you cards do i owe my parents? they've contributed both emotionally and financially an absurd amount of energy into me, and i haven't given them some lousy note every time it called for one. to take it a step further, how many thank you cards do i owe Jesus? thank you for grace, for oxygen, for keeping me from a car accident, for health, for trials...
thank you cards, although i'm quite sure i will continue to use them, have become a conduit to keeping up with social norms and lends to arrogance at times. i'm not saying every person who utilizes one is truly doing it to demonstrate proper etiquette, however, i do recognize that honest generosity doesn't EXPECT anything in return. NOTHING.
my very good friend, and perhaps THE most considerate person i know was coaching me on this last week as i was offended and hurt by the actions of some friends that Caleb and i have. she gently told me that i have to readjust my expectations of those people because they are not capable of being accommodating, gracious or compassionate towards us. if i enter into situations with them, or people like them, i won't feel let down, and my motivations will be honest and true. i know that i have the propensity to do the right thing for the wrong reason. just as thank you cards have that potential.
the gist: love and give generously because the Lord has done so with you...and don't expect the same behavior, devotion or a THANK YOU card in return :)
*KBA*
Continuing to learn about people, life and grace.
i want to propose this, that a good deal of giving is in fact, not gracious at all. people remember what they've given, and want to be praised or rewarded through a piece of paper. if a thank you note isn't given then the person is butt hurt (for lack of a better term), and they judge that person. "why couldn't sally get her thank you's done for her wedding/birthday/baby shower? I ALWAYS get mine done, and I have 8 kids running around! BLAH BLAH BLAH." a sense of pride and judgment completely clouds what was supposed to be a generous act in the first place.
this got me thinking...how many thank you cards do i owe my parents? they've contributed both emotionally and financially an absurd amount of energy into me, and i haven't given them some lousy note every time it called for one. to take it a step further, how many thank you cards do i owe Jesus? thank you for grace, for oxygen, for keeping me from a car accident, for health, for trials...
thank you cards, although i'm quite sure i will continue to use them, have become a conduit to keeping up with social norms and lends to arrogance at times. i'm not saying every person who utilizes one is truly doing it to demonstrate proper etiquette, however, i do recognize that honest generosity doesn't EXPECT anything in return. NOTHING.
my very good friend, and perhaps THE most considerate person i know was coaching me on this last week as i was offended and hurt by the actions of some friends that Caleb and i have. she gently told me that i have to readjust my expectations of those people because they are not capable of being accommodating, gracious or compassionate towards us. if i enter into situations with them, or people like them, i won't feel let down, and my motivations will be honest and true. i know that i have the propensity to do the right thing for the wrong reason. just as thank you cards have that potential.
the gist: love and give generously because the Lord has done so with you...and don't expect the same behavior, devotion or a THANK YOU card in return :)
*KBA*
Continuing to learn about people, life and grace.
Monday, August 10, 2009
Old cynical rantings that I found...
very embarrassing thoughts, and not shared out of pride or arrogance, but merely amusement and humility. coming up on 2years of marriage with the most amazing man in the world...finding pages of sloppy cursive left me giggling at myself:
So much of my feelings, or persona in general are summed up in Joni Mitchell's 'Cactus Tree.' Many have been quick to like me, yet my unconvinced and fickle heart chooses solitude over romance. "Too busy being free," are the lyrics to that intelligent song, and yes, someone pin-pointed it for me- who would love a girl whose priorities are ever changing? No rational man would choose to pursue a girl who doesn't seemingly desire to "stay put," or as my parents say, "land." What does it mean to "land?" Does it mean to arrive? We never truly arrive as humans. Does it mean arriving at the point of adulthood via marriage and commitment? And why would I assume that just because I arrived at the milestone of marriage that I would be done "arriving?" I will never cease internal and external change. Not only will my body grow slack and less appealing, but my view on the world; it's people and life in general will consistently change. How can I commit to loving and lawfully belonging to one person when they may very well wake up one day and hate me?
I am now aged twenty two years, and I look back at the girl I was only three years ago and barely relate. Who was she? More so, who will 'he' be in three years? What will be important to him, whoever 'he' is? I'll say one thing, however, this year has been a better one as far as "staying put" goes. My parents find their daughter's frequent relocation dreadfully aggravating. Seattle's slow and collected nature serves me well. The cruel irony of life is that I belong on the East coast despite my upbringing, yet I recognize my priority to be near my family. I guess I've learned Some things that please me, or make me tick rather. I am blessed by my learnings these last thirty-six months. Now who will I find to relate to me?
It's funny because I truly believe that God wants me to recognize the possibilities he has for me. I find it silly yet naive to cling to the adoration of ONE person. I ask again, Now who will I find to relate to me? Either I am too experienced, too concerned about eating healthy, or I'm too high strung, or too young...too old...there's always, and I mean always some unchangeable variable that automatically eliminates any potential. I will not stop working like a mad woman, and I will be educated, bold, well traveled, and those truths I consider built into who I am.
No one will relate to me perfectly. People are selfish and ever changing so why fool oneself into thinking you can settle into marriage? The only one for me is Jesus. Yes, the Sunday school, cute answer. But seriously, I am being realistic about what I know is unwavering and really, the Love of God is it. Does this resound of cynical ideals? Well, sure, at least I can go on a practical theory. It's funny how I've actually tried to believe for the last year that God has someone for me. He could, but this life is not about ME and Really I should aim to serve God and not my own petitions.
I want to give the Lord all of my heart, and I want him to take it. In fact, this is the only hope I have to feel somewhat secure in this time. I've come to accept that there is no one for me. This is not dramatic. I am not closed off. If I met someone whom I really hit it off with, someone who would encourage my walk with God, I would throw all of my cynical thoughts out the window and give it a shot. "Everything has a time and season under heaven." Ecc 3:11 So maybe...just maybe I will have a season of Love. Who knows.
So much of my feelings, or persona in general are summed up in Joni Mitchell's 'Cactus Tree.' Many have been quick to like me, yet my unconvinced and fickle heart chooses solitude over romance. "Too busy being free," are the lyrics to that intelligent song, and yes, someone pin-pointed it for me- who would love a girl whose priorities are ever changing? No rational man would choose to pursue a girl who doesn't seemingly desire to "stay put," or as my parents say, "land." What does it mean to "land?" Does it mean to arrive? We never truly arrive as humans. Does it mean arriving at the point of adulthood via marriage and commitment? And why would I assume that just because I arrived at the milestone of marriage that I would be done "arriving?" I will never cease internal and external change. Not only will my body grow slack and less appealing, but my view on the world; it's people and life in general will consistently change. How can I commit to loving and lawfully belonging to one person when they may very well wake up one day and hate me?
I am now aged twenty two years, and I look back at the girl I was only three years ago and barely relate. Who was she? More so, who will 'he' be in three years? What will be important to him, whoever 'he' is? I'll say one thing, however, this year has been a better one as far as "staying put" goes. My parents find their daughter's frequent relocation dreadfully aggravating. Seattle's slow and collected nature serves me well. The cruel irony of life is that I belong on the East coast despite my upbringing, yet I recognize my priority to be near my family. I guess I've learned Some things that please me, or make me tick rather. I am blessed by my learnings these last thirty-six months. Now who will I find to relate to me?
It's funny because I truly believe that God wants me to recognize the possibilities he has for me. I find it silly yet naive to cling to the adoration of ONE person. I ask again, Now who will I find to relate to me? Either I am too experienced, too concerned about eating healthy, or I'm too high strung, or too young...too old...there's always, and I mean always some unchangeable variable that automatically eliminates any potential. I will not stop working like a mad woman, and I will be educated, bold, well traveled, and those truths I consider built into who I am.
No one will relate to me perfectly. People are selfish and ever changing so why fool oneself into thinking you can settle into marriage? The only one for me is Jesus. Yes, the Sunday school, cute answer. But seriously, I am being realistic about what I know is unwavering and really, the Love of God is it. Does this resound of cynical ideals? Well, sure, at least I can go on a practical theory. It's funny how I've actually tried to believe for the last year that God has someone for me. He could, but this life is not about ME and Really I should aim to serve God and not my own petitions.
I want to give the Lord all of my heart, and I want him to take it. In fact, this is the only hope I have to feel somewhat secure in this time. I've come to accept that there is no one for me. This is not dramatic. I am not closed off. If I met someone whom I really hit it off with, someone who would encourage my walk with God, I would throw all of my cynical thoughts out the window and give it a shot. "Everything has a time and season under heaven." Ecc 3:11 So maybe...just maybe I will have a season of Love. Who knows.
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