There is an innate desire to protect and nurture my child from offenders. Even verbal offenders. I watched as someone spoke to him with such obvious disdain, as if he were an aggravating lap dog. It broke my heart. I wanted to scoop him up and tell him how sweet and bright I find him. That his strong willed nature as some deem him, doesn't bother me, but that I will do my best to foster any trace of tenacity and might in him. I don't want to parent for other people's approval or good graces, but instead because the Lord has entrusted me this young life to shape and guide. I exist to teach Noah how to bring Jesus glory through words, deeds, actions- etc.
My Sister & Brother in law have three stunningly adorable, smart, and what some might call loud little girls. Maybe not loud, but one can definitely tell when they are present or not. Yet, I have not really seen either parent discourage their offspring from what is natural, age appropriate play and behavior. They are confident in their parenting; their discipline and their overwhelming love. I want to parent like that. So what if someone gives me the stink eye?! No apologies or excuses unless my child is outwardly sinning against another person, or is endangering himself. Close examination of the heart may reveal that parents often labor under their personal pride thus changing how they chose to approach parenting and it's many facets.
Most frustrating, are those who don't believe in the term 'Age Appropriate.' They balk in their brain thinking it is an excuse for lazy parents who don't discipline their children. I must confess, I've shared that approach that the child is solely the product of poor parenting. However, the Lord wants me to know humility and so I do as I learn first hand what it's like to raise a toddler.
Lord, I pray fervently, that I can have grace, patience and joy in being a mommy. Let my motivations and directives derive from Biblical wisdom and principals. Give Caleb and I the tools and aptitude to cultivate in our children characteristics that above all, honor you.
*KBA*
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Life as we know it...
well, here i am in the third trimester with our second child. i feel strong and healthy, even though i have points in the day and night of discomfort. i always wanted to name one of my children after a character from The Great Gatsby, so Nick, or Nicholas, is fitting. what's more so is that Noah & Nicholas paired together is satisfactory to me. after all, Caleb wouldn't have anything to do with Andrew, Samuel or Carter. my little Nick (Carraway) will be here within no time and surely we will delight in him as we have Noah.
it's difficult to grasp that we have been in Eastern Washington for coming on three years this May. constantly reevaluating whether we belong in Seattle or not. truly, it is nice to play house in all it's front yard, back yard, upstairs-downstairs glory. yet, there are still things that are amiss for us as a family. unfortunately, not having Mars Hill as a fellowship greatly weighs upon us. however, technology lends much to our aid and there is little excuse for not tuning in to podCasts and whatnot. it comes down to seeking the Lord as to whether we are "called" (although, I hate that term) to live here.
pros and cons stream through my brain daily making truth challenging to cling to. no matter what transpires regarding our home address, we will soon be a family of four. con: i can't imagine Noah not living near his favorite person-"Amp-AH." pro: better work for Caleb on the west side, hands down.
i want to put to rest any anxiety around life as we know it, because for one, it isn't Biblical (Philippians 4:6). secondly, it isn't healthy for little Nicholas brewing away in there. lastly, i trust the Lord to use Caleb as the spiritual leader of our home to guide and intercede for our family in all things. i yield a sufficient amount of my type A personality to the joy of Biblical headship within our home. not to say that i am feeble and mute within our happenings.
so here we are, three years of contractual marriage in, nearly two children in our midst, and a constant need for Jesus. at the end of the day we are always on the same page. congruent in the big details of raising babies, saving money, striving for spiritual maturity. it is note worthy that we have made fantastic friendships in both Seattle and the Tri-Cities.
well, for now, this is where we are. profoundly blessed, and possibly unable to see how the Lord is growing us.
that is all...
KBA
it's difficult to grasp that we have been in Eastern Washington for coming on three years this May. constantly reevaluating whether we belong in Seattle or not. truly, it is nice to play house in all it's front yard, back yard, upstairs-downstairs glory. yet, there are still things that are amiss for us as a family. unfortunately, not having Mars Hill as a fellowship greatly weighs upon us. however, technology lends much to our aid and there is little excuse for not tuning in to podCasts and whatnot. it comes down to seeking the Lord as to whether we are "called" (although, I hate that term) to live here.
pros and cons stream through my brain daily making truth challenging to cling to. no matter what transpires regarding our home address, we will soon be a family of four. con: i can't imagine Noah not living near his favorite person-"Amp-AH." pro: better work for Caleb on the west side, hands down.
i want to put to rest any anxiety around life as we know it, because for one, it isn't Biblical (Philippians 4:6). secondly, it isn't healthy for little Nicholas brewing away in there. lastly, i trust the Lord to use Caleb as the spiritual leader of our home to guide and intercede for our family in all things. i yield a sufficient amount of my type A personality to the joy of Biblical headship within our home. not to say that i am feeble and mute within our happenings.
so here we are, three years of contractual marriage in, nearly two children in our midst, and a constant need for Jesus. at the end of the day we are always on the same page. congruent in the big details of raising babies, saving money, striving for spiritual maturity. it is note worthy that we have made fantastic friendships in both Seattle and the Tri-Cities.
well, for now, this is where we are. profoundly blessed, and possibly unable to see how the Lord is growing us.
that is all...
KBA
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Jesus.
It is often controversial to claim to follow Christianity. To be a "little Christ."
However, much of the controversy does not derive from people talking about the person and work of Jesus, but from their hypocrisy and judgmental demeanor.
A heart that wants to serve and love others is granted by the Holy Spirit, and greatly counters the religious rituals and vernacular that so frequently offends.
Sadly, the role of the church hasn't always met the needs of widows, orphans and the desperate. The programs, multiple 'love' offerings, and all together phony facade that many churches embody are a disgusting display of the gross miss communication of what grace, humility and truth actually are.
Jesus. The way, the truth and the life. The Bible is an account of his life; with the Old Testament lending a prophetic word, and the New Testament is the collection of stories telling how those prophesies were fulfilled. A Bible believing Christian seeks to learn about Jesus and his tremendous love, not necessarily to follow "the road map to life." The aim for the Christian is to want to know and possess affection for Jesus, who was fully God, and fully man. Too many Christians have done the faith filled random pull of sentences from the Bible that "perfectly fit the situation they were in!" Which, cynical as this sounds, misses the point that the Bible is not about us. It's not about us. Recognition that the Bible is an testimony of who Jesus was, and that it shares the loving truth about him is crucial to the continual need to humility. We cannot die to ourselves if we make every thing about ourselves. That includes, so conversely to what modern evangelists may infer, referring to scripture (Jeremiah 29:11) out of context to make us feel better. We are inherently sinful. We are a broken, selfish, prideful mass since the beginning of time, who Jesus said out of our heart flows the most deceitful and unpleasant things (paraphrase), therefore no one is a "good person." Everyone to their core is wicked and sinful and needing only one thing, and that is to be lead by the conviction of the Holy Spirit to become more like the person of Jesus Christ.
Christians have it wrong too often, a program, or routine won't solve the issues of the heart. Other religions survive by preaching works and legalism, or searching within oneself.
The sole answer is: JESUS.
I've been struggling lately with our place as a family coming from a thriving community and church in Seattle, even though we moved away two years ago. It seems pointless to desire the previous arrangement while struggling to redeem the present. And, the consensus that I have is that I love Jesus, more than any church, group of people, or city, and that is enough. I want to know him deeply. Walk with him daily. Dwell where he is. And, by God's grace I will live in a way that reflects his image.
I heard Pastor Bill Clem describe us this way, " We are like a mirror, shattered and broken, and God has to take all the pieces and put them back together so that they reflect him." I liked this analogy because it relies solely on God (Jesus), and does not put the ball in our court as individuals. We must respond in obedience to the conviction of the Holy Spirit if we know Christ, and love others well.
Jesus, I pray for your continual guidance and grace. Your love is undeniable to me.
KBA
However, much of the controversy does not derive from people talking about the person and work of Jesus, but from their hypocrisy and judgmental demeanor.
A heart that wants to serve and love others is granted by the Holy Spirit, and greatly counters the religious rituals and vernacular that so frequently offends.
Sadly, the role of the church hasn't always met the needs of widows, orphans and the desperate. The programs, multiple 'love' offerings, and all together phony facade that many churches embody are a disgusting display of the gross miss communication of what grace, humility and truth actually are.
Jesus. The way, the truth and the life. The Bible is an account of his life; with the Old Testament lending a prophetic word, and the New Testament is the collection of stories telling how those prophesies were fulfilled. A Bible believing Christian seeks to learn about Jesus and his tremendous love, not necessarily to follow "the road map to life." The aim for the Christian is to want to know and possess affection for Jesus, who was fully God, and fully man. Too many Christians have done the faith filled random pull of sentences from the Bible that "perfectly fit the situation they were in!" Which, cynical as this sounds, misses the point that the Bible is not about us. It's not about us. Recognition that the Bible is an testimony of who Jesus was, and that it shares the loving truth about him is crucial to the continual need to humility. We cannot die to ourselves if we make every thing about ourselves. That includes, so conversely to what modern evangelists may infer, referring to scripture (Jeremiah 29:11) out of context to make us feel better. We are inherently sinful. We are a broken, selfish, prideful mass since the beginning of time, who Jesus said out of our heart flows the most deceitful and unpleasant things (paraphrase), therefore no one is a "good person." Everyone to their core is wicked and sinful and needing only one thing, and that is to be lead by the conviction of the Holy Spirit to become more like the person of Jesus Christ.
Christians have it wrong too often, a program, or routine won't solve the issues of the heart. Other religions survive by preaching works and legalism, or searching within oneself.
The sole answer is: JESUS.
I've been struggling lately with our place as a family coming from a thriving community and church in Seattle, even though we moved away two years ago. It seems pointless to desire the previous arrangement while struggling to redeem the present. And, the consensus that I have is that I love Jesus, more than any church, group of people, or city, and that is enough. I want to know him deeply. Walk with him daily. Dwell where he is. And, by God's grace I will live in a way that reflects his image.
I heard Pastor Bill Clem describe us this way, " We are like a mirror, shattered and broken, and God has to take all the pieces and put them back together so that they reflect him." I liked this analogy because it relies solely on God (Jesus), and does not put the ball in our court as individuals. We must respond in obedience to the conviction of the Holy Spirit if we know Christ, and love others well.
Jesus, I pray for your continual guidance and grace. Your love is undeniable to me.
KBA
Monday, February 22, 2010
for Caleb...
to me...
love is a game of cribbage set to The Postal Service
love is the first time we sat on the same side of a table leaving one booth empty
love is the blue in your eyes that I delight in as if they were two jewels
love is your tenderness for the tiny life we created together
love is being known and sought after, even though I am stubborn
love is being an 'Us', a wonderful series of highs and lows marked by God's perfect grace
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
The Bible: black & white and wildly unpopular.
There are certain things that the Bible is specific about. Jesus is God. Fully man, Fully God. Jesus is the [only] way to the Father (Sorry, Oprah, "arrogant" or not, it's true.) There are areas that are a little more gray, e.g. alcohol-to drink or not to drink, masturbation, whether or not to get a tattoo. Those gray areas are where a Christian who knows the Lord and follows the Bible, can rely on the conviction of the Holy Spirit.
Caleb likes to drink beer; he makes his own at home, and it is not a stumbling block for him because he doe not suffer from alcoholism. Thus far, he has not been convicted regarding drinking. I have 3 tattoos...and where some people find this defiling of my "body as a temple," it completely negates that Jesus himself is described in Revelation with a tattoo on his thigh. I feel no pressing desire to remove, or regret having tattoos. The gray area can be somewhat revealed through prayer and fasting.
But the black and white areas, well, that's exactly what they are. Whether you're a humanitarian or not, you can love people and respect their lives without encouraging or enabling them to live a certain way. I believe the Bible to be true. From beginning to end. Not as a "road map to life," but as a prophetic, incredible account of Jesus' life. Every word is "God breathed and profitable," and it seems hypocritical to pick and choose areas of the Bible to go along with if you love God-Father, Spirit, Son. Therefore, I must admit, I will not support or advocate any group that clearly goes against the Living, Breathing WORD of God.
I like people. I really do. I don't care how they choose to live, but at the end of the day, I want to stand firm in what I believe, and that might be offensive. There are popular cultural movements that people just can't deal with due to the immense level of confrontation involved. So they buckle, and say: "we need to just love everyone, and not judge people, etc, etc." which is true, but it's ALSO okay to remain true to who you say and think you are.
I don't condemn anyone, because that's not my place. I have friends who are gay. Friends who are constantly partying. Friends who are fornicators. I've lived a bleak life in years passed, and by God's grace been redeemed from that. And I would be the last person to hate or not be friends with someone who doesn't live by the Bible. But, when they ask me, "what do you think?" or "is this an okay thing to do?" I would candidly share that every other path that doesn't point to Jesus Christ causes pain, destruction, and goes against the design that God intended.
"Christians" who picket gay funerals, or kill abortion doctors "in the name of God" don't make matters any better. They clearly don't understand what Jesus meant by love your neighbor. Ultimately, only the Lord can change people, so if you're out there with a megaphone hating gays, lesbians or unmarried partners, you're an idiot. STOP.
Dear Jesus, I pray that my heart could be soft and filled with your truth. That I would not grow frustrated with people in my life, or with myself. I hope to be in Heaven with you some day and be free from the bondage of sin and depravity.
*KBA*
Caleb likes to drink beer; he makes his own at home, and it is not a stumbling block for him because he doe not suffer from alcoholism. Thus far, he has not been convicted regarding drinking. I have 3 tattoos...and where some people find this defiling of my "body as a temple," it completely negates that Jesus himself is described in Revelation with a tattoo on his thigh. I feel no pressing desire to remove, or regret having tattoos. The gray area can be somewhat revealed through prayer and fasting.
But the black and white areas, well, that's exactly what they are. Whether you're a humanitarian or not, you can love people and respect their lives without encouraging or enabling them to live a certain way. I believe the Bible to be true. From beginning to end. Not as a "road map to life," but as a prophetic, incredible account of Jesus' life. Every word is "God breathed and profitable," and it seems hypocritical to pick and choose areas of the Bible to go along with if you love God-Father, Spirit, Son. Therefore, I must admit, I will not support or advocate any group that clearly goes against the Living, Breathing WORD of God.
I like people. I really do. I don't care how they choose to live, but at the end of the day, I want to stand firm in what I believe, and that might be offensive. There are popular cultural movements that people just can't deal with due to the immense level of confrontation involved. So they buckle, and say: "we need to just love everyone, and not judge people, etc, etc." which is true, but it's ALSO okay to remain true to who you say and think you are.
I don't condemn anyone, because that's not my place. I have friends who are gay. Friends who are constantly partying. Friends who are fornicators. I've lived a bleak life in years passed, and by God's grace been redeemed from that. And I would be the last person to hate or not be friends with someone who doesn't live by the Bible. But, when they ask me, "what do you think?" or "is this an okay thing to do?" I would candidly share that every other path that doesn't point to Jesus Christ causes pain, destruction, and goes against the design that God intended.
"Christians" who picket gay funerals, or kill abortion doctors "in the name of God" don't make matters any better. They clearly don't understand what Jesus meant by love your neighbor. Ultimately, only the Lord can change people, so if you're out there with a megaphone hating gays, lesbians or unmarried partners, you're an idiot. STOP.
Dear Jesus, I pray that my heart could be soft and filled with your truth. That I would not grow frustrated with people in my life, or with myself. I hope to be in Heaven with you some day and be free from the bondage of sin and depravity.
*KBA*
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
loss
deep within me is sorrow
a womb whose joy has been emptied
i longed solely to usher in life...
but the plans of Creator God were not such.
still even today i woke thinking it some
terrible slumber.
yet the lullabies i want to offer won't fall upon ears at all.
a womb whose joy has been emptied
i longed solely to usher in life...
but the plans of Creator God were not such.
still even today i woke thinking it some
terrible slumber.
yet the lullabies i want to offer won't fall upon ears at all.
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