Handling Betrayal

I once heard a podCast from Pastor Matt Chandler of the Village Church in Texas, where he addressed how Jesus was fully man, and fully God. He illustrated this by describing some of the situations and emotions that Jesus had to endure, and by recognizing him as fully man, we can look to him for understanding, empathy and grace.

Betrayal.

be⋅tray /bɪˈtreɪ/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [bi-trey] –verb (used with object)

1.	to deliver or expose to an enemy by treachery or disloyalty: Benedict Arnold betrayed his country.

2.	to be unfaithful in guarding, maintaining, or fulfilling: to betray a trust.

3.	to disappoint the hopes or expectations of; be disloyal to: to betray one's friends.

4.	to reveal or disclose in violation of confidence: to betray a secret.

5.	to reveal unconsciously (something one would preferably conceal): Her nervousness betrays her insecurity.

6.	to show or exhibit; reveal; disclose: an unfeeling remark that betrays his lack of concern.

7.	to deceive, misguide, or corrupt: a young lawyer betrayed by political ambitions into irreparable folly.

8.	to seduce and desert

Jesus was betrayed by Judas, and other disciples who hid and claimed not to be associated with him when Jesus was taken captive prior to his crucifixion. If a close friend, your "dog," "homie", BFF, or acquaintance breached your trust and confidence, the first reactions are likely to be hurt, anger, possibly confusion.

I have been betrayed a few times in my life...someone either rightfully, or immaturely took something that I said or did and held it against me. And instead of addressing their concerns with me they chose to slander my name, causing defamation of my character, and ultimately shaped the opinion of others regarding who I am. Without knowing my true heart. Without giving me the opportunity to be candid. I am my mother's daughter, filled with tenacity and striving for truth. I only want to be like Jesus. I want to know him, and love him, and experience his grace every day of my life.

And I have to say, it breaks my heart that there is a tremendous lack of grace and understanding within relationships. I recognize that I need Jesus, that I am not perfect, and that too often, I am the one pointing the finger and need to pull the plank out of my own eye. I get that. Humility must ensue in my development as a person and as a Christian.

Jesus was humble. Jesus was misunderstood. He was murdered because he was misunderstood. He was betrayed by a brother within his closest group of buddies.
And he handled it well...with love and compassion, and knew that it had to be that way in order for the Old Testament prophecies to be fulfilled. His suffering was by divine appointment.

So what does our offense do for us? It causes us to relate to Jesus. To know that we aren't in Heaven, and that being on Earth sucks sometimes. We are being sanctified. When I have felt betrayal the few times that I have over the years; and I'm not talking middle school drama, I'm talking about a major breach of trust, I have had to evaluate my reaction and the state of my heart in order to deal with it. I want all things in my life to point to Christ and him crucified (1 Corinthians 2:2) and choose to seek reconciliation and restitution.

practicing 1 Corinthians in a way that applies to me

my husband, who doesn't really seem to care about having an "online presence," always said he didn't like to bother with trying to reconnect with the past. he, since i met him, has never been especially fond of social networking sites, and prefers to live in the now fostering the relationships that are right in front of him. i always understood what he meant, but being a woman; which often times means being either nosy, curious, overly connected, and overly committed, i continued to embrace social networking because i felt like i could manage those relationships and my family.

alas, i was finally convicted to deactivate my accounts as i feel the time and energy spent is no longer edifying to me, my marriage, and my time. some of the comments or very belabored lip service that is tossed around on facebook and myspace would all but make me gag.

Additionally, my mom and i decided that, there is a chance that having those accounts could become more about self gratification than the easy answer, "oh, i just like to stay in touch." which is probably a genuine reason for most people, but my conscience was telling me that it was no longer legitimate for me. (although, people who really want to stay in contact can text, call, or email me, and vice versa.) my friend wendy was holding me accountable so that i wouldn't spend time on the internet while my hubby was home, that way he felt valued, but after much prayer and peace from the Holy Spirit i knew that wasn't enough.

i am not going to judge my family and friends who still have accounts, but i know my character is affected because i am more susceptible to buying into and believing certain things simply by being able to lurk around on people's profile pages. i am done with past relationships; certain friendships, ex-boyfriends, etc, and have really no room to stay connected just to save face or for generosity sake.

also, i have the extreme potential to become puffed up with pride regarding people's picture comments to my current appearance as if that matters in the grand scheme of things. i want to be beautiful in Christ. i want to be fit to for health reasons, not for affirmation. satan uses lies in my head against me to shift my focus from Christ to myself. i am done with it.

and, i am too sensitive to all the little connections other people have to either my past or to caleb's. it is simply not edifying. and other couples, other individuals will not have this same rationale because they don't struggle with it as i do, and that is okay. we talked in our Bible study this last week about a podCast from Mars Hill that encouraged us to "restrict ourselves from certain freedoms." because the Bible says that, "all things are permissible, but not all things are beneficial," so where i do not have any issue with alcohol potentially causing me to stumble or become a vice, i can easily waste time on a social networking account. i am more prone to passing judgment, or forcing a frivolous relationship, when i could be reading or writing, or spending quality time doing something else. i am restricting myself from something that is a free option, and yet a stumbling block.

caleb was right all along to leave certain people, and seasons of life for nostalgia. i know that now.

Sharing our life, sharing our bed...

I love co-sleeping with our son, Noah. He will be 5 months on February, 11th, and he has slept in our room literally since the day he was born. I am still breastfeeding, and find it both convenient and necessary for Noah's dietary needs. Below are some facts taken from various sources regarding co-sleeping (aka: room sharing, bed sharing). Having Noah in the Arms Reach Co-sleeper next to the bed where I can pull him out to nurse allows both Caleb and I to rest soundly, never fully wake-even to nurse, and enjoy waking up as a family. The morning is when our little guy is in the best mood all day and he just smiles and is happy that our faces are the first thing he sees.

*Co-sleeping; room sharing with baby, is perfectly normal. In most countries around the world, children co-sleep until age 5, not saying that I plan to do so.

*Co-sleeping/bed sharing, provides both emotional and nutritional benefits for baby-especially when nursing exclusively.

*Epidemiological data show that, in the presence of an adult caregiver, roomsharing infants are approximately half as likely to die of SIDS than infants sleeping either alone, or in the same room as siblings.

*A baby's nervous system is wired to signal danger if left with no sensory contact with the mother or other caregiver.

*High brain levels of stress in baby result in higher levels of stress hormone cortisol. Cortisol can lead to lasting changes in important brain structures.

*After gestation; where baby can hear mom, feel her breathing, it's no wonder baby longs and needs to be near her night and day.

*Sleep-sharing pairs showed more synchronous arousals than when sleeping separately. When one member of the pair stirred, coughed, or changed sleeping stages, the other member also changed, often without awakening.

So here is what we've been taught, manage your baby. Control him. Teach her to sleep through the night via phases, methods, and foods. One mother put it perfectly when she stated that nothing about a baby's eating nor sleeping patterns is similar to that of an adult, yet many, many books make millions each year from eager parents who want to reveal to their peers that, "little Billy does sleep through the night!" I want to know how the average adult would feel if someone put them under such high expectations to comply with methods to control their slumber? Or perhaps, it is because we cannot empathize given that we ourselves cannot completely remember those feelings.

Until about 12 months a child cannot remember it's primary caregiver's face. If that person leaves the room, the child might protest with tears because they believe the caregiver is gone forever.

There are a lot of myths about co-sleeping and bedsharing, the number one reason is in regards to suffocation of the infant. However, new studies have proven that regular, responsible co-sleeping parents who do not smoke, and are not under the influence of alcohol or extreme fatigue, will in fact adapt to and maintain awareness of their infant. If and when Noah passes out in our bed, we make sure to sleep in such a way where pillows and blankets cannot suffocate him. When he stirs during the night one of us is right there to soothe him. We never have to walk across the hall and spend 15-25min calming him down.


I think most new moms do not plan to co-sleep. The market for nursery gear wouldn't thrive the way it does if so. I'll admit, I figured I would co-sleep, but I still have a beautiful crib with matching changing table, and bedding to boot. Noah has yet to ever take a nap or sleep in his "nursery." And, while this bugs my mother a bit, I cannot back down from what is a well oiled machine. Noah will not sleep in our master bedroom forever, but while he's a baby, nursing, and proving to need night time comfort, he will get it. Not just for empathy sake, but for the good of the order.

*KBA*


Referenced: AskDrSears.com, R.G. Carpenter et al., "Sudden and Unexplained Infant Death in 20 Regions of Europe: Case Control Study, J.J. McKenna and L.E. Volpe