Our First Week Of Foster Care

Last Friday we welcomed our first foster child into our home. The phone rang at 4:15pm and I was busy baking cakes for my son's 4^th birthday party. There were layers of cakes on cooling racks strewn about, and one whole cake already sitting with a crumb coat. Whenever my cell phone rings these days my heart races because it's likely a realtor calling for another showing of our house, or perhaps the most important kind of call, the one from DSHS.

I knew her name immediately. They had told us in training who makes the call for placements around here, so I quickly grabbed my binder and a pencil so that I could go through the questions that another foster family had shared with me. I had to assure her that the crying in the background was just one of my children in 'time out,' and we could continue to go through the questions. We had about 35 minutes to deliberate because DSHS was about to close. I called Caleb and we went through all of the questions and answers together. We talked soberly and I tried to answer his questions with what little info I had been given. The first of many phone calls that will require a great deal of faith in the Lord to go before us, and sustain us as we welcome kids into our home.

I'll never forget what it felt like walking up to the little guy. Adrenaline had been propelling me forward, but the moment I saw him my steps slowed, and my heart felt sluggish and nervous. I couldn't see his small face because he was nuzzled into the side of a social worker. Everyone looked burnt out, but they were kind and still upbeat. I cannot imagine having 30+ families as a case load, birth parents, foster parents, and innocent children who are all clamoring at the Social Worker for aid and assistance. They make so little money, and work an exorbitant amount hours, and everyone though smiling had bags under their eyes. The amount of paperwork alone appeared daunting much less the task of calmly reigning in all of the emotions that come forth.

The next few days throughout the weekend were a blur. We had a family birthday dinner for my son, then a large birthday party with his peers on Sunday. We weren't sleeping, and one of my friends pointed out that I would have to start getting a break to take care of myself because the adrenaline was going to wear out at some point. She was right. By Monday, I was weary physically, but leaning so heavily on Jesus that things were still fairly harmonious. This baby really attached to me, and that certainly made it easier to have him around.

Knowing this reminds me to prayerfully approach each placement seeking the Kingdom, because not all kids will attach. Some kids, perhaps even most, will be completely indignant and unappreciative. That's okay too. Caleb had a great point, “there is absolutely nothing for us to gain in this.” He couldn't be more correct. A friend of mine asked if there is compensation. Sure, but after buying diapers, clothing, and spending hours upon hours driving and sitting at appointments (medical, dental, referrals, visitations, counseling,) the truth is that it isn't a business. A business closes it's doors at night, it isn't up rocking a child at midnight, then again at 4am, and then again at nap time. This isn't a way to make money. I've never felt more fatigue than I did this last week and health is worth more than a paycheck.

The most important thing for me to highlight in this post is the love and support we received from people rallying around our little family. Offers for shoes, clothing, grocery runs, lattes and more poured in from those we do life with locally. Members of our church brought meals all week, and that hands down was an essential component to easing in to being a family of six. By 5pm each day I could barely move, especially with homeschool and running Allied not being put on hold too much. Each day I would update my closest girlfriends, and share how God was sustaining us and how near he was to us. 

When our little guy transitioned to live with a family member my kids and I sat down on the carpet just before heading to DSHS, and each of them prayed for him. Clara mostly mumbled. It was beautiful. So many people have asked how my kids did adjusting to having a baby brother come in, and I am thankful to say that this is a part of training them up. Caleb's parents had foster kiddos also, and my dad cultivated the desire to provide aid for the homeless and the destitute. We have never, by grace, departed from that. Our children are learning what it means to strip away the layers of selfishness that we all inherently embody. They're seeing and living firsthand what it means to care for the widows and orphans. We cannot approach this with trepidation because we know Jesus is with us. Obedience is an act of love, not duty.

My hard heart regarding adoption.

      The handful of you who will read this post know that my husband and I are becoming licensed foster parents through our state. When we were engaged we talked about adoption a lot, and though our initial picture of what that may look like has certainly changed, by grace the intention of doing so has not. Through books, social media, conferences, and the positive model of peers who foster and have adopted, we are mentally equipped. For our emotions, safety, and all other tangible provisions we lean heavily on the Lord. We know that we want to be obedient in taking part [in some way] in orphan care. However, I would be remiss, and robbing God of his glory if I didn't share how He had changed my heart over the last three years.

My hard heart had some objections and sinful concepts that I wrestled with, and likely because of personal pride. Here are two of them:

*The mom at church who already has a gob of kids, yet is fundraising for international adoption, AND/or domestic adoption via foster care. To the believer with God's mission and glory in mind, this family sounds like they're on track. To the rest of the world; believers and non-believers, they seem crazy. How will they care for, clothe, and educate that many children? But those weren't even my sinful primary objections.
It was the thinking that she must be quiver-full. She has no identity apart from mothering. She must have no other gifts or talents to contribute other than being a homemaker. She just wants the attention.

I could say that I am embarrassed for sharing this covetous, arrogant, and unloving demeanor I had toward a fellow sister, and her family, but I want to make sure we all get what God can do. He can take my wretched heart and transform it so judgment and eye rolling are no longer the response.

*There are plenty of children in America that need a loving, safe home, I am not called to international adoption. While both points may be somewhat true, I can still come alongside a family who is called to redeem the life of a 12 year old girl in China, who would have otherwise "aged out" at 14 and been shoved into slave labor, sex trafficking, or worse. A woman in a class of mine this year actually adopted an older child, NOT a baby, and her life, their lives will never be the same-for the better. Who am I to think that God wouldn't take care of my family if we gave generously to an overseas adoption? Does he not clothe the lilies and feed the sparrows? And, while my heart wasn't anti-international adoption, I wasn't on the front lines promoting or supporting it as much as I could or should have been.

The heart of the world has objections too. What if one of my children is harmed? What if I get attached? We just aren't called to that. Only certain people can handle such an endeavor. To some extent this may be true. The keynote speaker from the One Conference this last weekend made the point that not everyone can, or should bring kids into their home. But, in light of the gospel, we can all joyfully participate in some way.

My great hope and prayer is that Jesus will continue to soften and transform the heart of those who call him Lord, and awaken to find a role and conduit to aid in orphan care. May unbelief and selfish ambition, or the pride of life all be far from those who God has called and adopted to Himself. Mostly, I offer thanks and praise to my Father in Heaven for sanctification, and his active work in my heart.